REVIEW: The Haunted Vagina by Carlton Mellick III

Steve is madly in love with his eccentric girlfriend, Stacy. Unfortunately, their sex life has been suffering as of late, because Steve is worried about the odd noises that have been coming from Stacy’s pubic region. She says that her vagina is haunted. She doesn’t think it’s that big of a deal. Steve, on the other hand, completely disagrees. When a living corpse climbs out of her during an awkward night of sex, Stacy learns that her vagina is actually a doorway to another world. She persuades Steve to climb inside of her to explore this strange new place. But once inside, Steve finds it difficult to return… especially once he meets an oddly attractive woman named Fig, who lives within the lonely haunted world between Stacy’s legs.

Warnings: dubcon, horror, body horror, cheating

Category: F/M

The Haunted Vagina is a vaginal vore and transformation fetish horror novella. With an admittedly ridiculous premise, it is a strange blend of surrealism, comedy, eroticism, and creepy atmosphere. It’s hard to say if it’s well done or not simply because so few books of this nature exist by which to compare it to. To that end if nothing else it is certainly unique, in a rather monstrous and macabre kind of way, and when I read the premise I knew that I would absolutely have to read it. If you’re looking for something odd and spooky to read for Halloween, this bizarro piece should fit the bill.

WRITING
The writing is certainly oddball. I had trouble at first trying to figure out if it was legitimately full of bad writing tropes or if it was a brilliant work of parody, as it manages to dodge reader expectations entirely. And it continues to evolve the further you get into it, beginning with a fairly goofy and quick paced comedic tone, moving into fetish territory, and settling into something that turns legitimately unsettling. It’s written in first person, present tense, which is a writing style that keeps the prose clipped and fast paced. It does also end up telling a lot more than it shows, giving us a cliff notes version of a rundown on how Steve and Stacy met, what he likes about her, and even the discovery of her haunted vagina, which all could have used more exploration than a few brief paragraphs. However, it’s fast pace certainly moves the plot along and feels ‘action’ packed, and I was impressed with the variety of reactions that the text managed to elicit from me. As a piece of work, it certainly is not lacking in range.

EMOTIONAL ENGAGEMENT
If the book has one major failing, it’s in not allowing me to connect well with it’s characters. This may be a byproduct of the balls-to-the-wall strangeness of the bizarro genre, or of the parody comedy factor that pokes fun at the manic pixie dreamgirl trope, but neither of the main characters really felt like developed people who I could be emotionally invested in. I certainly didn’t really like Stacy, who spends the book ordering Steve around and belittling him. There is a rather sinister undercurrent of abuse inherent in their relationship, and I think that I would have liked to see that explored a little more fully before the grand ‘adventure’ into Stacy’s vagina took place. It wasn’t that the two of them didn’t have potential to be more interesting, but that their relational dynamics weren’t explored in enough depth to really flesh them out. I could never quite understand why Steve does what Stacy says or lets her push him around; he says that he does it because he loves her, but I didn’t actually feel like there was much chemistry showcased between them to convince me of that. I think that it would have greatly aided the horror atmosphere to have had the narrative dive into that (hah) a little more.

WORLDBUILDING
Is there ever some interesting worldbuilding in this! It is entirely of the horror/fetish/bizarro variety, and being that it’s more surrealism than literal worldbuilding there is not a lot of it’s workings that are explained. Certainly Steve muses on some possible origins for the strange little world that exists inside of Stacy’s womb, but ultimately no questions are answered. It’s mainly strangeness for strangeness sake, as well as clear fetish fuel. Why the world exists, why it mutates people, who the people who live inside of it are, all of that is not as important as the atmosphere and tonal quality that these things create for the reader. To that end it’s really quite impressive how elaborate and extensive the world is. It’s like a fever dream that starts out silly and gets gradually darker as it goes, which I quite appreciated.

STEAMINESS
This is a book that is going to connect best with vaginal vore and transformation fetishists, when it comes to the smut content. Obviously the main feature of the plot is Steve travelling into the world that exists within Stacy’s haunted vagina, so there are a few vaginal vore sequences that can read either very steamy if you’re into vore, with lots of descriptions of Steve feeling his body being squeezed tight by Stacy’s vaginal cannal… or they may read very strange and surreal if that isn’t your fetish. This isn’t the first vore novel I’ve read and it likely won’t be the last, even if my own personal preferred flavour of vore is more towards cock vore. What I found more intriguing was the transformation bit, where Steve’s body turns into a hollow latex suit that his skeleton pops right out of. There is a sex scene following where he has sex with another latex person, and it’s full of some very erotic descriptions of latex on latex play which I found really quite well done, and is one of the most interesting and esoteric sex scenes I think I’ve ever read.

This is, obviously, an extremely niche book that will not be appealing to all readers. But if you like reading things that are strange, or this happens to hit your kinks, its a very fun book and a fast read. I really enjoyed it, and even found myself pretty unsettled after reading it. If you aren’t a fan of surrealism, especially of a crass bent like this, the bizarro genre may not be your cup of tea. But either way I found this book a very interesting and unique read, and would seek out more of it’s ilk.

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